Happy Birthday Nico!

Dear Nico-

Wow how these last two years seemed to take forever to get to today. Yet, at the same time came way too soon.

I have been thinking about this letter for some time now. I knew it would be hard for me to write it without crying. Just because I love you so much and I have so much I want to say to you.

This past year for you has shown all of us so many milestones. You got the hang of that crawling thing and moved onto walking behind all of your push cars. Then you realized that you didn't need any of those and could walk all on your own. As for now, well you have managed to learn how far, how high and how fast those little legs of yours can take you! Son, may your legs continue to take you further and higher and through all of the adventures in your life.

This past year you became aware of your own voice. In so many ways. The inner and the outer voice. "Cracker" seemed to be your first and favorite after "Dada". Soon, everything was a cracker. But that was okay, I always seemed to know what you meant. The sign language you were learning helped you learn the words that followed. Every month that would go by, I could see you focus more on wanting to know what everything was called. Now, the learning process has gone from monthly, to daily and sometimes hourly. I love listening to you talk. It is such a comforting sound. And without fail, always makes me laugh with whatever word combination you come up with. Son, may your outer voice continue to bring joy, laughter and happiness to you and all of those who surround you.

While you were learning to use your sounds to make words, we encountered a few bumps along the way. Knowing what you wanted to say but not having the right words lead us to a large number of communication barriers, also known as tantrums. It was difficult for anyone involved. My heart would break for you because I could see (and most definitely hear) your frustrations. Trying to explain to an impatient toddler what exactly a minute meant was not easy. The ear piercing screeching you would make was used on many occasions as your tool to get me to realize what you were feeling. When you were tired, hungry, mad, angry, happy, scared or just about any emotion you didn't have a word for. Thankfully, we've both become more aware of how you express your feelings. You know how to tug at heart strings, get out of trouble and let it be known you are not happy, all by using those cute facial expressions. Son, may your inner voice continue to help you develop a strong sense of self. Don't ever run from it or try to hide it, it is there to help you be a better person.

Over this past year you have grown leaps and bounds. You have went from my needy, little baby boy to an active, little toddler. You have become self-teaching, like learning to use forks and spoons. You have become energetic and are always up for playing outside or taking a walk. You have become humorous, like when you know a tickle to the foot will make someone laugh. You have become independent, as I have learned by watching you let yourself in and out of the house. You know how to be productive and helpful. You have a sense of organization and order. While easily entertained by others, you are also easily engaged in activities by yourself. You have learned how to be a gentle sweetheart, but are always willing to wrestle around on the floor.

There is so much more to you that we have a lifetime to learn. I know that things may not always be bubbles and fruit snacks. But right now, this is who you are. And while moments may not always be picture perfect, they definitely are memorable. There are also moments that I hope my heart never forgets and my memory never erases.

You make me laugh and cry, sometimes all at once. You make me frustrated and elated. You can exhaust every fiber in me in one moment. Yet, when I need strength, it is from you that I get it.

You make me feel proud, hopeful, protective and encouraged. You never hold anything against me and easily forget my mistakes, even though I am not as reciprocative. Even through all of this learning and growing, doing things right and doing things wrong. The one thing that makes me the happiest is that we get to start each day together. Everyday, I get a chance to be a better mother to you. Each day for us is filled with so much potential. So not one day goes by that I am not happy, thankful or grateful to be able to wake up and have you as my son.

Here's to having a Happy Birthday and many, many more!